Perhaps I should've invested the money I used to pay the taxis that drove me to you, in a prostitute, I would've been for sure more satisfied and respected

I came across the realisation that the problem lies in me
It's me and only me
That needs to work on how to perceive whatever creature 
That relates to me and whatever their capacity or extent

My approach would be reproach, my head would never know peace, I'd be in an everlasting losing dynamic in the eternal power (im)balance of the tug of war called "relationship".

I won't be able to erase the thoughts, sensations nor the emotional responses to the things that hurt me, still. Although I definitely want to change my reactions to these things. 
I can only ask for what I am capable of giving back, so I don't become another hypocrite of the twenty-first century. I would for sure require honesty but it seems honesty only comes when people speak of their mistakes in desperation for forgiveness.

"we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are" Anaïs Nin. 

The lack of reciprocity 

I want to begin with the imbalanced effort between us. Your unwillingness to contribue equally to our relationship whether emotionally, energetically, and yes, sometimes financially, indicates the lack of effort and consideration. 

The push-and-pull dynamic that came from your lack of attention to a sudden display of affection shows a cycle of hope and disappointment. 

When my words and feelings are taken as narratives - and not acknowledged as feelings, turning the situation around, keeping me invested while you're inconsistent, manipulated and gaslit me. Be it your intention or not. I'll kindly give you the benefit of the doubt. 

Such self-centeredness. How could my feelings of being disconsidered become an attack on your character, when all I needed was being taken care of, a little. Lack of reciprocity, again. 

I know you admitted to being called ungrateful by your friends, you even cried when you said so. I was surprised it came as a shock when I pointed it out to you. 

A relationship between two people is more than hanging out and spending pointless time together, it is also about contributing to its growth. It is all about energy - the vibes. There was no investment in energy, in effort, in anything that showed me you were there for me as I was there for you. 

The funny thing is that you agreed. You said you agreed with me that you had difficulty showing-feeling grateful, and you didn't invest in me, in spending time with me, being with me, doing things with me, or for me, because you held back. You agreed, admitted it yourself, and worst of all: promised you would not let me go, that you understood my feelings and said I'd have what I was asking. It was not a big deal for you.

What a shame. You made it a bad thing that I told you I felt unappreciated by you, when all I wanted was some reciprocity in effort and time, I wanted more of you, and you were always unphased by it, by me. 

You had the imbecility to say "if you want attention in exchange of your money and time you should hire a prostitute". What about you acknowledge that we only saw each other because I went to you? Because I invited you out, even when you had nothing to offer? What about you understand my side for a second and see the efforts I made to see you, and you did not do the same to see me? It's not rocket science. 

Perhaps I should've invested the money I used to pay the taxis that drove me to you, in a prostitute, I would've been for sure more satisfied and respected.