Petrified

 I find myself in those moments when I try to dodge myself from my nothingness. The thirst of seeking for something that fullfils me, that makes me feel good. Something that takes me out of this cruel monotony.  Why am I so cruel? I'm afraid of how cruel I can be to myself and to others I love. It seems like as long as I try to stop it, it comes faster. Oh cruelty.