Taking a Risk

  I’m really talking a risk right now. I don’t write in english for a long time and I’m afraid I won’t remember how to express myself clearly. I’m laid down on my bed listening to music and feeling a shit hatred. There are many things that are making me feel distressed lately and I can’t talk about them now. I’m feeling damn fat and I can’t stop eating. Oh shit... I’ve been through a shit like that before, and it’s happening again. I truly believe in eating less but my hanger is so huge. I feel like starving when I’m really not. My dirt feelings are like snakes that are slytherin into my head and taking control. Who’s controlling who now? Let’s talk of my disturb about sleeping... this is something that fucks many lives out there, isn’t it? I’m the kind of ones who don’t sleep an hour or two and think that have rested enough time. And then when you get used to that you feel sleepy all the time and even coffee or caffeinated drinks can keep you awake. “What a shame we all became such fragile broken things” right? I’m constantly changing the way I am and this isn’t my fault. There’s something in me that makes me change all the time. Sometimes I close my eyes and the only thing I can see is bloody images and cuts and dead people. I feel very disturbed. Sometimes I’m not only empty inside my chest, I’m also empty in my head. Not-thinking-about-anything, this part is really scary cause even when I force myself to think of something, I can’t. Sometimes I’m all nice with people and with myself and laughing at everything and shit but now eveything I want is a mug of coffee and a good dose of korean music.